Random Thoughts, The Anonymous Writer's Notebook

How to take care of your man?

©2016 TheAnonymousWritersNotebook

They say, “WOMEN are POWERFUL”.. Do you agree? Well at some point, maybe.

But why just MAYBE?

Some women act like ANGELS and become WITCHES at the end of the day, because of some reasons that I just stated on my blog about “HOW TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR WOMAN”.

But how about MEN? Some women do not know how to take care of their men as well, hence they find love from other women.

Regardless of the age, WOMEN must make their MEN feel loved.

Let’s talk about some WAYS on how to take care of a man. Or no, should I say, WAYS to make him stay..? :p

  1. Promises are made to be broken: Same with women, if you think you can not keep your promise, then just don’t. It’s as easy as 1,2,3. Women do have a superficial happiness and so do men. Both are humans, they both feel the same. Men are just seen to be stronger than women that’s why most women think they are more sensitive than men.
  2. Let them talk: Listen to your woman and let your man talk as well. A man’s ego must be built not crushed.
  3. USAE: Understand, Support, Acknowledge, Encourage. Understand what he thinks is right, Support his plans, Acknowledge his skills and Encourage him to be a better person. Never stop expressing your love with these 4 words. That’s all they needed.
  4. Ask him out: Not because you are the girl/woman in the relationship you will always wait for your man to date you. You can always ask him out for dinner, treat him for a movie or do your reports at a coffee shop together. Once in a while is not bad.
  5. Appreciate him forever: He will court you forever, then appreciate what he does for you and show him that every little thing that he has been doing counts. Big or small show him that you are grateful for having him.
  6. Do not be a nagger: I get it. A woman usually gets mad and tries to be patient as much as she can. But they get mad because her man makes her do it. However, if a man does it and a woman gets mad and annoys him more, then they clash.  REMEMBER, A man’s mistake + the woman’s madness = separation. You can always forgive a person. NOW, if you think you’ve given him chances already and you think it is already too much, then teach him a lesson. That’s the time you teach a person a lesson. But prevention is better than cure. So it’s just give and take. It won’t happen if you know how to take care of your man, and your woman won’t turn into a witch if you know how to treat her right.
  7. Notes: Not because in most cultures, women receive flowers and gifts most of the time mean it is not proper to do the same to your man. Nope. You can always send him gifts, flowers or even leaving a small note telling him how handsome he is every day before leaving for work. Not the notes that tell him to pay the bills all the time. :p
  8. Ask: Give yourself the right to ask your man about his day at work, about his friend, about his workmate, about his boss, or just random things. They need that.
  9. Surprises: I have met many women and only 5% of 100 women surprise their husband or partner. Not because he is a man, he doesn’t deserve surprises. Hey! You are both humans and you both feel the same when it comes to surprises. Maybe, some women think that their partner won’t like it or appreciate it. QUESTION: Have you tried it? Most men are not showy. They won’t show that they like it but they do.
  10. Love him: Follow the 9 ways on how to take care of your man, that explains number 10.

 

You see, we live based on the culture that we know and follow. But what if, just what if, we do the other way around, would it matter?

Not because he is a man he doesn’t deserve to be treated the way they treat their women. We give – we take. And vice versa. They also get hurt, they also cry, they also feel bad, they also experience pain. They are as well, FRAGILE.

So going back to the question, why just MAYBE? Because there are men who are also powerful, and they deserve to be treated like a king, just like how they treat their women as QUEENS. 🙂

 

photo (c) kevinmontillanokevinmontillano

Daily Post Challenge, The Anonymous Writer's Notebook, Uncategorized

Speak out (The Journey of a Single Mother)

©2016 TheAnonymousWritersNotebook

And this is the first time I will talk about how difficult it is to be a single mother. I have always been proud of my kid and I don’t deny being a mother. This is the very first time, I will write something about her and our struggles in life together. And I am writing this so that I can at least inspire others with how strong I became as a person.

It takes a lot of courage to be a single mother. You have to be emotionally, spiritually and most especially financially stable for you to be able to raise a child.

When I got pregnant, the father of my child and I were not okay. I wasn’t even aware that I was pregnant since my monthly period is irregular. Until I reached the last month of my 1st trimester when I received a message from him asking me to check if I am pregnant because he said, he felt like I was. Bought a pregnancy test and checked with my 2 friends and voila! Yes, I was pregnant. It took me a long time before I informed my family about it. But the only thing I knew then was, I WILL BE A MOTHER SOON, whether or not I was ready, I was already decided that I will bring this child to the world and I will give her life. I wasn’t ready then YES, but it was quick. It was so quick that I already saw myself giving birth to a beautiful child.

FAST FORWARD… Before I gave birth, I was already annoyed and I was just trying to be patient since I was still pregnant and it might not be okay. Until after I gave birth, and I was still annoyed seeing him around BUT I told myself, I have to act normally in front of my family because I can’t just show them that I am not ok, or they will get hurt. No matter how annoying your partner is, you still have to protect them because the imperfection of your partner will always be seen as your imperfection too. (I think) so I had to protect him from my family.

Truth is, he was okay then. My family (especially my parents) treated him like as if he is their own child. But since he was still young that time, and he has a lot of family issues, he cannot decide on his own. His relatives usually decide for him. Which triggered my patience and made me decide that I don’t think I can stand this life with him, not having the courage to decide on his own. I woke up one morning and I felt like I don’t love this person anymore. I don’t see my future with him. I then asked him to leave the house and just go back to his family. He begged and asked me if he can still stay and to try to fix things over. But I have already decided. I told him that, now that you are already a father, you cannot even decide for yourself, what more in the future. I asked him to leave and I ended everything that day. Since then, I knew that I am already a strong person. I was fragile for a long time and very sensitive, but when I became a mother, I CHANGED.

FAST FORWARD… I changed my number and started anew. My parents didn’t ask me about what happened but they knew all along that something is wrong. I am the only girl among my siblings and I knew then that I caused them so much pain even without telling them the reason why.

My child grew up not seeing his father… UGH, well for the past 12 years of her existence? There were only less than 20 times. YES. 365 days x 12 years, that’s a total of 4,380 days. Days, months and years have gone by, he still gets the chance to see my kid (actually up until now) whenever he wants to. The problem is, he never really wanted to. Given the chance, I wouldn’t want it any other way. But my parents told me that I have to think of my child’s sake. That she may grow up not seeing or knowing who her father is. So for the longest time, I thought of my kid and how she’d feel about it. There were times that his family reached out and visited my kid but my child didn’t really want to spend even a day with them. I can’t blame her. She grew up not seeing them. She was so scared of going out with them and that they might not bring her back to our family after a day out. And for the record, I never said anything bad about them. Benefit of the doubt. Maybe she really felt like she cannot trust them because they didn’t exert some effort seeing her or visiting her when she was growing up.

Raised my child with the help of my family. Her first word, her first walk, her first smile and everything. Sending her to school, attending to her needs. It was just my family who guided me and helped me. Did they? for quiet some time, yes. They sent her some money for school, or birthday gifts but not always. Very seldom. And not constant.

Until one day, I realized that maybe, it is already time to forgive. So when he asked me out, I said, okay let’s have dinner together and let’s talk about our kid and her needs. When I was about to sit, that night, he suddenly asked me. “Why did you leave me?” I answered quickly. “After almost 10 years? You now have the guts to ask me? And I answered right away. The day when I asked you to leave was the day I felt like I don’t love you anymore. I didn’t even see my future with you. Your family has a lot of issues and instead of teaching you how to have a better family, they even tolerated your mistakes.” He was shocked and he spoke in a quiet manner. “Why didn’t you tell me then?”, I answered, “And what is it for? You should be thankful. That I broke up with you because after that, your life became better. You were able to graduate on time, you were able to buy your own car, you lived your life like as if you do not have any responsibilities, you were even able to travel abroad without thinking that you have a child to support.”. And then he said, “But my life would’ve been even better than that if you were with me along the way.” And I said, “No. Because I knew then that I was not made for you. My life became different from how I grew up in the past when I became a single mother. The struggle was real, but I don’t regret any of it when I see my child.” And then he became more quiet. And I suddenly said, “If you have a girlfriend, get married. You deserve to be happy. We were not made for each other. You always tell my family that I am the only girl who treated you this way. And that my heart is very hard to please. I am telling you now, that not all women are the same. 9 out of 10 will love you for who you are, and 1 will teach you for you to be a better person.” It was difficult to be in a relationship that you were not even sure if it is really meant for you or not. Not to mention that he has some other kids to support. The only thing I asked him and his family was not money, but to ATLEAST visit my child once in a while. But they never did.

My family and friends know me really well. They call me “Pusong Bato” which means having a heart as hard as a rock/stone in the urban language.  Because I don’t get hurt anymore. I don’t cry. The only thing that makes me cry is when I watch drama series. I swear! Kidding aside, I became this person when I learned one day, that I had too. I had to be stronger than before because I am the only person who can be this strong for my child. One day, my family will one by one die, my child will one day get married, and I still have to be even stronger tomorrow than what I became today because the only person who will take care of me in the future is just ME.

The struggle of being a single mother is real. I have given up a lot. People may not see the way I see it, but nobody knows it but me. It took me a long time to realize yes, but hey! I have changed. I even became wiser. Even in having a new relationship or commitment. I have to be. I have to learn from my mistakes.

For the past 12 years, I have learned that life doesn’t end where your troubles start. It ends when you’re done finding a solution to your problem. But do problems even end? No. You will be facing a lot of problems in the future and you have to learn how to anticipate things and find a solution yourself.

Why did I suddenly share this to you? Because I know that I am not the only person who is experiencing this kind of situation. That I am not the only single mother in the world, and that maybe, some of us in the club are having the same situation but do not know what to do. Maybe some of us do not even have the courage to speak up for themselves.

I say, stand for your right. We have given up a lot and experienced a lot of trials in being a single mother, but hey! We are still alive, it only means we have survived!

And guess what? My child is now about to graduate after 6 years in the elementary school without seeing his father sending him in the morning, or attending to every performance she has had in the past.

I always remind my child that I may not be able to give her a complete family but she has a family in me. I was, am and will always be thankful having the best family who guides me and helps me and my daughter all the time.

One day, my child will have her own family and I will never think twice treating her the way my family treated me when I became a single mother. I always tell her that she needs to be tough and she needs to have a good heart all the time. Believe in God and lend a hand to people who are in need. It’s not about having new gadgets or having a complete family. It’s about being a good person in and out.

I am very grateful and proud that my child is now about to start a new life in high school and I know that we will still be facing, even more, problems in the future together. But what matters is she got my back and I got hers too.

Thank you for reading and I hope this inspires single mothers and fathers out there!

This is the Anonymous Writer, 33 years old, single mother and this is my JOURNEY…

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/discover-challenges/speak-out/

photo (c) imjaydejavier

Daily Post Challenge, grammar, The Anonymous Writer's Notebook, Uncategorized

PAUSE 

©2016 TheAnonymousWritersNotebook

For today’s daily post challenge, I would like to PAUSE writing stories and discuss this topic below, answering the question, WHY CAN’T WE USE “DISCUSS ABOUT” IN A SENTENCE.

This is also for my students in Japan and Korea.

==========================================================================

Many people are making mistakes in using the expressions DISCUSS and ABOUT in a sentence. They are both used in a different way which can be grammatically correct, but never in one sentence pertaining to the same object.

PART I: DISCUSSION

VERBS can be tricky at times; we just have to analyze them first before we use them so our sentences won’t sound confusing.

TRANSITIVE VERB: when a verb takes a direct object.

Example: The old woman embraced her long-lost daughter.

*embraced – takes daughter as a direct object or the receiver of the action.

INTRANSITIVE VERB: any verb that does not take a direct object.

Example: The daughter was embraced tightly.

*no direct object in the predicate

DISCUSS

  • verb
  • to talk about (something) with another person or group of people.
  • Talk over, talk about, talk through, converse about, debate (synonyms)

* GRAMMATICALLY, “Let’s discuss the issues” (is correct) since it is a transitive verb.

There are some people who MAKE MISTAKES in using the expression “LET’S DISCUSS ABOUT….”

This is an example sentence from New York Times, dated November 24, 2006, and I quote:

“On average, Kelley Fay finds that people DISCUSS ABOUT a dozen brands each day.”

Is it grammatically correct or not?

NOPE! IT ISN’T GRAMMATICALLY CORRECT. Here is how a reader should read the sentence.

“On average, Keller Fay finds that people DISCUSS (about a dozen) brands each day.”

WHY? Because “about a dozen” is a PHRASE, that is like saying “approximately 12”

QUESTION: Then why shouldn’t we use “DISCUSS ABOUT” in a sentence?

ANSWER:

There are 2 REASONS why we cannot use “ discuss about” in a sentence.

  1. It is already redundant since DISCUSS means to talk about. So it is like saying “Let’s talk about-about the issues.”
  2. It requires the topic for discussion to be both object of the verb and object of the preposition, which is grammatically impossible.

Example conversation:

1.

A. Let’s talk about this.

B. Talk about what?

A. Talk about the issue.

2.

A. Let’s discuss this.

B. Discuss what?

A. The issue.

PART II: VOCABULARY

  1. Verb – a word used to describe an action
  2. Transitive Verb – a verb that requires one or more objects
  3. Intransitive Verb – has no object
  4. Phrase – group of words (or a single word) that function/ functions as a constituent in the syntax of a sentence.
  5. Discuss – to talk about
  6. About – proposition; on the subject of/concerning
  7. Redundant – adjective; not or no longer needed or useful
  8. Proposition – a word or group of words that indicates/indicate location, or some relationship between a noun or a pronoun.

PART III: EXERCISE 

Write C if the sentence is correct, and I if incorrect.

  1. She will discuss about the issue tomorrow.
  2. The professor will discuss Management this afternoon.
  3. Ching wants to discuss about your salary later.
  4. I will discuss the lesson next week.
  5. Patty wants to talk about the argument on Monday.
  6. Cathy will never discuss about why she can’t attend the meeting on Sunday.
  7. Carla isn’t ready to discuss that with the team.
  8. My boss called our attention and discussed about the drastic change in the schedule.
  9. Jenny will talk about the salary deduction to the teachers.
  10. She wants to know if you can discuss it before she leaves.

 

ANSWERS:

  1. She will discuss about the issue tomorrow. (I)
  2. The professor will discuss Management this afternoon. (C)
  3. Ching wants to discuss about your salary later. (I)
  4. I will discuss the lesson next week. (C)
  5. Patty wants to talk about the argument on Monday. (C)
  6. Cathy will never discuss about why she can’t attend the meeting on Sunday. (I)
  7. Carla isn’t ready to discuss that with the team. (C)
  8. My boss called our attention and discussed about the drastic change in the schedule. (I)
  9. Jenny will talk about the salary deduction to the teachers. (C)
  10. She wants to know if you can discuss it before she leaves. (C)

 

 

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/pause/

 

 

 

Daily Post Challenge, The Anonymous Writer's Notebook, Uncategorized

Territory

©2016 TheAnonymousWritersNotebook

“I am nobody’s territory”

I am nobody’s territory,  and so is he.

You are your life’s fulfillment,

even if you believe in endearment,

You owe nobody, except your family

So you don’t have to explain yourself to anybody.

Life is full of surprises,

believe me nobody has seen even the coming of the ISIS,

You just have to be thankful, and always be grateful.

Because life can always give you; an unexpected issue.

I am nobody’s territory, and so is he.

Enjoy every moment,

and treat yourself as your only opponent.

Be better than what you were yesterday,

because your life can never be replayed.

If you die tomorrow,

make sure to find the way out of your sorrow.

I am nobody’s territory, and so is he.

He can never hurt me, but only God can foresee.

I am nobody’s territory, and so is he.

Same goes to you, and your best friend too.

The sister of your classmate, the brother of your playmate.

We are nobody’s territory, except God who has the power to end your story.

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/territory/

photo (c) imjaydejavier